Coming Home The manner in which we start something often dictates how it ends. If you go into a tense meeting at work already anxious, it will likely result in acting flustered. If you start a construction project without much planning, it will likely lead to multiple expensive trips back to Home Depot. How you […]
“I just don’t desire sex anymore.” James solemnly stated with an air of defeat in his voice. His wife Susan let out an exasperated sigh. With a hopeless look upon her face, her eyes began filling with tears. They both looked to me with a sense of inevitability, that this is just the unavoidable reality […]
“I love you, I’m just not in love with you.” I hear this phrase uttered all too often, as if it’s an emotional balm that will somehow soothe the heartache that was just unleashed. I’ve long cringed at the dishonesty and […]
Written by Alicia, our Your Marriage Matters Intern When I was a little girl, I remember sitting in my room and making a list of the perfect guy I would want to marry. A very long list… with details of what kind of humor he should have, what he should look like, what his […]
Can I be direct and honest? The right time is most likely right now. Let me paint for you a sad reality which I’m confronted with all too frequently. The couple walks into my office quiet and emotionally distant. They engage me in brief pleasantries, but their spirit is tired. One of them releases a deep and mournful […]
The value of speaking for yourself instead of your partner… I Statements. You’ve probably heard of the concept, whether in school or in therapy yourself. In case you’ve forgotten, here’s an easy breakdown for you: Step 1: State your emotion, using the words “I feel ….. ” Step 2: Explicitly describe the behavior “when […]
I want you to do a quick mental exercise with me. I want you to picture your partner in your mind’s eye. Make it flattering. And make sure they are smiling. You can smile too. Holding onto this image, I want you to bring to mind a quality in your partner that makes you […]
So you’re sorry for disappointing your partner. As a follow up of sorts to my last post, Dealing with Disappointment, I’d like to share a few quick thoughts on how to respond when we find ourselves in this unenviable position. Two prevailing principles are at play here: say what you mean & mean what you say; and actions speak louder than words.
We’ve all been there. A forgotten date; an underwhelming anniversary; a last minute gift. The moments in life that leave us saddened, frustrated, and longing for something … more. So how do we respond to disappointment? I’d like to offer a better starting point. Look within, look to the other, and look between.
It is that time of year again, when all the lovey-dovey Facebook posts reach their peak. When the rose market experiences an “inexplicable” 300% mark up. When restaurants become filled to capacity and supermarket greeting card isles are packed with men frantically swooping in to scavenge the remaining few greeting cards available. (Been there, done that) With all the […]