Pop culture has plenty of ideas on how to achieve a satisfying sexual experience; unfortunately most of it is utter crap or requires physical feats few of uscould accomplish. My desire for you is to enjoy the fullness that sex has to offer you and your marriage while avoiding the harmful side effects of some bad advice. Here is a simple recipe to help make that happen. It’s authentic and fresh, with no artificial ingredients or imitations included.
1) Be Expressive
Great sex starts with open communication. Men and women often report that one of their biggest turn ons is when their partner makes vocal affirmations during sex. This doesn’t have to be spoken words either. Allow your audible moans to guide and affirm your sexual pleasure. If your partner is doing something right, let them know! Good sex is like a dance, you have to follow the rhythm of your partner and match it with your own; sometimes you’re leading and other times following. There are even times that you need to be free to ask for what you want, or to even teach your partner how to bring you pleasure in the best possible way. Freedom to be expressive will heighten both of your sexual pleasure and emotional intimacy.
2) Be Playful
Sex is meant to be fun! The level of playfulness in a marriage is a great indicator of its health, and this goes for your sex life as well. How often do you smile during sex? Or laugh during foreplay? When is the last time you’ve been giddy with anticipation? Here is one way to spark your playfulness in the bedroom: fantasize about your spouse throughout the day. Our imagination is a fantastic resource to creating sexual playfulness and anticipation. Guide your thoughts towards imagining a sexy moment with your partner. Let that anticipation build. Maybe even imagine something new, or something you haven’t done in years. Here’s something wild, actually share some of those fantasies with your spouse!
3) Be Selfless & Be Selfish
Wait, isn’t that a contradiction? Nope. It’s part of the dance and rhythm of great sex. In one moment we may be focused on bringing pleasure to our spouse, delighting in their response to our touch. Soon after we may be giving ourselves over to the pleasure our partner is offering as they relish in our enjoyment. Following shortly both spouses may be simultaneously lost in the moment and bonded in shared ecstasy. It’s healthy to be able to oscillate between giving and receiving. While sometimes a whole sexual experience may be focused on one partner, a gift given in the moment, most often it is best that both partners have the opportunity to be selfish and to lose themselves in the moment of orgasm. (Bonus advice, it’s rare that both partners experience orgasm at the same time, like really rare. Great if it happens, but don’t be disappointed if it doesn’t. After the first partner can relish the moment, turn your attention to helping your spouse cross the finish line.)
One final piece of advice
Our entire sex life follows a rhythm, and it doesn’t start with foreplay and end with orgasm. Your next sexual encounter begins right after the climax of this one. It’s called the Afterglow period, and its the period of time immediately following climax. It’s during this period of time that we need to be holding, touch, speaking softly and gently to affirm one another. It bonds us together and it leads into your next love making cycle.
There is much more that could be said about experiencing great sex. Keep an eye out in the near future for further conversation on creating great sexual experiences in your marriage. And remember, you don’t need anything external from your marriage to have great sex this Valentine’s day. You can create the most fulfilling fantasies and experiences between the two of you. You don’t need an imitation taken from a screen or printed on a page.
Have a happy Valentine’s Day and Have Fun!